The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
