need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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