Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
