when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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