you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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