dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize