dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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