your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
