ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
