We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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