Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
