ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We need to get me chipped asap
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
