I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
