i barfeds in our rink
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She bit a glass in half.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
