So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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