guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she told me i tasted like america
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
