if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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