You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I need a beard to bite.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
