You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
