I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
