omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
