I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
