My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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