When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
