Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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