Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so let's talk penis.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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