She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
