Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
