My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
