i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
