Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
