he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
