i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
