Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize