I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
