I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
