Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
it glows. i had to have it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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