its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
