only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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