oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize