Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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