i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
