you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
