Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
