You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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