i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
