he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize