apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
