we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
