We're like a lot better than the average bears
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
