I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize