saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
