Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
