You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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