I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
