mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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