we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
