A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
