You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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