why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
