I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Randomize
