Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
