I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
