My room smells like vodka and shame
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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