i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
