when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
