I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
