Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
