that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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