yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
