Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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