I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize