Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
