I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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