hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
