went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
