just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
