apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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