I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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