At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
